Dude, we have to kick Hitler out!

Buddies Chad (23) and Bobby (22) have chat about their room mate Adolf (127).

Chad (sexlegend69) joined the conversation.

Bobby: Yo! Sup, bud?

Chad: Hey, bro. Aight man, you?

Bobby: Dude, we need to talk. It happened again…

Chad: What? No way! What did he do this time?

Bobby: That’s the thing, man. I didn’t even know he was here. I thought he’d be gone for the weekend or something. Anyway, so I get home by like ten last night, his wheel chair is still gone from out front, so I figure I’ll have a quiet night. But then at like 4am he came home, shitfaced and with four girls too…

Chad: Oh God… how does he keep meeting them?

Bobby: I don’t even wanna know, bro. Anyway, so he comes home, makes the fuckin racket of the century, keeps screaming at these girls in German at the top of his lungs. Man, you know what they did?

Chad: Do I wanna know?

Brad: Dude, it’s messed up. I woke up at like 8 from this horrible, horrible smell. I stumble out of bed open my room dor and it hits me right away. It almost floored me dude, the stench…

Chad: Oh FUCK NO! What the FUCK did he do?

Brad: So I barely make it to the bathroom, I open the door and I immediately have to go back and hurl my fucking brains out, cause the stench is so thick and piercing. The whole bathtub was covered in shit and vomit!!! The whole thing got shit smeared over, there were broken wine bottles everywhere. Apparently he had one of the girls pour wine up his fuckin’ ass! Can you believe it?!

Chad: WHAT THA FUCKKK

Brad: DUDE, it’s freaking UNREAL. So I gather myself, stumble back on my feet and I kick down his door basically tear it out. He’s lying there, passed the fuck out, shit on his legs and back, but all nice and cozy in his bed. The girls are all gone – the fuck I know when, where or how they’d left. I took his head, literally, and shook him awake. He barely comes to, mumbles something in FUCKING GERMAN, some shit about wine and I think he said something like “Deutsche Scheisseporno” and goes fuckin right back to being passed out again.

Chad: So what did you do, bro?

Brad: Man, I fuckin’ cleaned the mess up he left. I mean I ain’t taking a shower in there anytime soon, but there was no living with that smell. I got a bunch off cleaning shit from the store and just tossed it on there. Still smells but it’s almost okay now. But man, fuck that fucker, he can’t be doing that shit anymore.

Chad: Fuck no. We have to kick Hitler out. There’s no reasoning with him.

Brad: Yah man. You can’t talk to him. He must have shot up Heroin again while I was out. I saw his stuff out, and he’s passed out and all peaceful again.

Chad: So how the fuck do we get rid of him? He’s on the frickin’ lease, ain’t he?

Brad: Fuck yeah he is. I dunno. The fucker should be in a home anyway, old bastard.

Chad: Dude, have you seen the amount of coke he does? No way, he’ll stay in a fuckin home.

Brad: He had that dude – “Gobbles” – over again. You know the weird pasty fucker. You saw him, thin as fuck never says anything besides German ranting about whatever. He probably deals coke. Or something, I’m sure there’s something going on.

Chad: So what, are we gonna call his parents?

Brad: Like they’d give a flying fuck. I don’t know bro. I just know we HAVE to do something. Hitler can’t live here anymore.

Chad: I hear ya. Maybe that guy Gobbles trips up and the pigs take him.

Brad: Yeah right. Dude, I gotta bounce. Heard the door again, I think he might have girls coming again. I can’t take another night of that shit. I am goin to Skip’s place.

Chad: Ya. Hang in there, we’ll figure something out, later dude.

Brad: See ya.

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Professional circus clown turned Liberal Arts major and anarchist.

Posted in Misc

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