Ever get the feeling that you totally suck ass? Well, you should! But how does one live with that knowledge for the rest of their life? This and more interesting questions will be answered after these messages by the International Suckage Community:
- Sucking in general or at something in particular is not a right, but a priviledge. One has to purchase an official Certificate of Suckage for the amazing price of 3000$.
- Once an official Certificate of Suckage is obtained, one can suck up to three times a day. Sucking four or more times requires an upgrade to the Golden Certificate of Suckage, available for 3000$.
- Sucking at something should never be taken lightly. To properly suck at something, one must ensure others to be affected by ones failures. This does, however, not mean that an improper suckage can be performed without a valid Certificate!
If you truly suck, consider taking a day off, relax a little. If the sucking persists, eat a raw onion and puke heavily. After an hour of agony, try the original thing again. If you still suck, you should think about putting a giant cactus in your anus. This usually does the trick, but can be a little uncomfortable. To ease the pain, eat lots of lubed potatoes with rotten fish. Wait for thirty minutes and try the original thing again. You should now have ceased to suck. Please read on for more important messages by the International Suckage Community:
- Stopping to suck at something is concidered a crime, punishable by improper brain surgery.
- You lose all privilages to suck at something, if you willingly attempt not to suck at it. Still sucking at something, once attempted otherwise, results in a violation of the International Suckage Code, punishable by removal of your left butt cheek.
- Sucking at sex is strictly prohibited. If one must suck at sex, however, it is possible to upgrade to the Platinum Certificate of Suckage, available for 3000$. Violation of this rule results in a flock of fat men carefully placing dog shit on the floor in front of you, always.