“Caution: Do not eat!”
The tattoo was almost finished. Standing in front of a mirror, I carved those pregnant words into my forehead. I felt it was my obligation to the younger zombie population to label myself like that. What if a zombie infant bit off a piece of me and choked on it? I probably couldn’t live with the guilt.
Proud of my brilliant idea, I presented my juicy body, full of warm blood and brains, to the hungry happy zombies. They did indeed not eat me, one of them punched me so hard in the guts though, I was hurled out of the city to the most western part of Europe. The landing was rough, but I’ve had worse. Some of the guts spilled out, but I was thinking fast and immediately put them back in.
Cliffs! The most western part of (main land) Europe largely consisted of cliffs. Not that bad actually. I climbed down to sea level and had a picnic on a rock. What a nice surprise, I met two friends of mine down there! One was some sort of giant oracle with long tentacle-like arms out of some sort of black-purplish gas, the other one an artist, constantly creating himself. If he stopped the creation process, he would cease to exist. We were in luck, as this exact moment was the beginning of the cliff raping season, taking place only once every man for himself? The giant Atlantic Mega Dolphins shot out of the sea and raped the shit out of the cliffs, as if there was no tomorrow. Where us humans can’t even spot an orifice, the dolphins would go at it like you wouldn’t believe. The cliff seemed to enjoy all this and so did we.
Unfortunately, the evening got spoiled by some damn kids from all over the world, committing mass-suicide by falling off the cliffs in an innocent manner.
We bribed an elephant and an eel to get back to the city as soon as possible, but they just stabbed us with their woodpecker friend.